Paranoid Android

Wow, this weeks feels like it has been so busy.


Monday I had a follow up with my consultant at East Surrey. I know the NHS is free, but I waited almost 75 minutes after my appointment time to go in. Luckily I didn't have the children with me, otherwise I think we would have gone stir crazy. 
I have to admit something now. Since November when I went back into hospital with the adhesion/blockage, I have been paranoid about what is going on inside me. And not just me, with the children as well. Someone on a well known parenting forum linked to this and I have been over analysing everything since. Particularly with them, I am so worried about them and especially the likelihood of them getting cancer in the future and it all being down to me and my crappy, faulty genes. It was good to see my surgeon and hear yet again how well I was looking and talk to him about the over analysis I am doing and the paranoia I feel about everytime something is a little different I worry about having to come back into hospital again. I never used to worry about going into hospital but having been in so often and having to go for chemotherapy has really made me, not scared about being readmitted, but annoyed more than anything that this cancer has taken over once again and I am not in control. 
He was very reassuring, and helped me realise that things are probably not going to be normal for a while and it is usual to be overanxious, especially given the fact that I had been readmitted. 
It has also forced me to reassess some of the things I do and more specifically my sedentary lifestyle. 
This Blog is written by a friend of mine, who I really admire for putting this on the internet and chronicling everything. It has inspired me to unearth the Wii Fit board and associated game and also start back with my yoga practice. Its also made me look at my diet and I realise that I need to set a better example to the children. After all how can I expect them to eat things that I don't. So I have started feeding them, and hence me, more fruit and veg. 
I have realised that I do actually enjoy the taste of fresh, seasonal produce and can make a real difference to my health if I continue with this. 
In other news, I am due to have chemotherapy number 7 on Wednesday, which means that after the obligatory 2 weeks of tablets I will have one left. That last one falls 2 days after Imogens 2nd Birthday. 


I can't quite believe how far I have come. When I think back to October and having my birthday, PICC line inserted and first chemotherapy session all in one week, I look at where I am now and know that this blasted disease has made me a stronger, determiend person who is assessing what they want from the next few years of their life. 


Watch this space!!!!