About this Blog

This blog started as an online diary and place for me to rant about annoyances in my family.

However since July it has become a place for me to catalogue and express my views and opinions on the treatment I have recieved following the diagnosis of a potentially cancerous tumor in my bowel.

On 3rd August 2011 I was told that it was cancerous. In April 2012 I was given the all clear.

October 15th 2013 I was diagnosed with peritoneal disease and liver metastases. The cancer was back and this time it is inoperable.

It is a little bit out of date as the NHS doesn't tend to have a WiFi connection in hospital and I can only post when I get home and posts take a while to write.

It is NOT about individuals or the nursing profession. It is about some of the inadequacies in the system and the way the NHS is failing some people.

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Sunday, 17 March 2013

6 weeks to go

This post will contain irrational ranting and is probably best not read by anyone thinking of becoming pregnant for the first time.

Now that that is out of the way I can tell you a couple of things. 

Pregnancy and me do not get along. 

This time last year I had taken my last dose of capecitabine and my follow up appointment was about 6 weeks away. That was scary. I knew that they had removed all of my tumour and a large amount of lymph nodes around my bowel. I knew that the tests had confirmed that the cancer hadn't spread. I knew that the 6 months of hell I had been through in the form of chemotherapy were over and were only preventative rather than curative (?). But I was still scared. You can't help it. You're only human and however hard you try to focus on the positive the negative always creeps in.

In the same vein this pregnancy has been like this for me. I have seen the healthy baby twice on scans and, although scans are not infallible, know that there is very little likely to be wrong with this baby. I know that going into hospital to have a baby is very different to being refused an ambulance, having to wait 4 hours for an out of hours doctor who diagnoses appendicitis and calls you an ambulance to take you to hospital in the middle of the night. This doesn't stop me being terrified of the prospect of having to go into hospital again.

Childbirth represents a loss of control. You cannot predict when you are going to go into labour. I have had one child born at 40 weeks and 6 days and one born at 38 weeks and 6 days. This one could turn up at 36 weeks or 42 weeks. You genuinely live in the dark. When you have two other children to consider along with school and pre school runs this creates a dilemma. Add into that mix that your husband is starting a new job at the same time and you can see why there is a loss of control here.

For me at the moment though the main concern is getting through the next six weeks. Ever since I pee'd on a stick and it was positive I have had back ache. I have seen the physiotherapist, although to be frank she was very hands off and gave me a couple of stretches to do, which I could have worked out myself, advised me to sit on hard backed chairs and gave me a couple of massages. When I asked for some advice as to whether I would be better seeing a chiropractor or an osteopath she said she wasn't allowed to recommend either. 

The level of pain I was experiencing was getting so bad that paracetamol didn't cut the mustard any more so I dragged myself back to the GP and got a prescription for co codamol. I have now reached the stage where this is not even effective. 
I have just re read the dosage instructions. 

Take 2 tablets every 4-6 hours. Do not take more than 8 tablets in 24 hours.

I was coping on 2 tablets every 5 hours, but this meant that the pain relief was wearing off before I took more tablets and so had to wait for the next dose to kick in which involves spending at least an hour in pain. I cannot wait 6 hours between doses and need to take them every 4, but this means that I cannot sleep due to the pain. I am fighting a loosing battle. 

This has now culminated in me being awake since about 2am, as I took my last dose of tablets at 10pm. I finally succumbed to take more at 6am thinking foolishly I could try and get through to midday before I took some more. I probably got about 20 minutes more sleep before I was joined in bed by Isaac & Imogen. 

So I am writing off today. I may watch the Australian Grand Prix highlights later as I turned it off to let the children watch cbeebies while I dozed. I will also be making a GP appointment to discuss the pain management situation.