About this Blog

This blog started as an online diary and place for me to rant about annoyances in my family.

However since July it has become a place for me to catalogue and express my views and opinions on the treatment I have recieved following the diagnosis of a potentially cancerous tumor in my bowel.

On 3rd August 2011 I was told that it was cancerous. In April 2012 I was given the all clear.

October 15th 2013 I was diagnosed with peritoneal disease and liver metastases. The cancer was back and this time it is inoperable.

It is a little bit out of date as the NHS doesn't tend to have a WiFi connection in hospital and I can only post when I get home and posts take a while to write.

It is NOT about individuals or the nursing profession. It is about some of the inadequacies in the system and the way the NHS is failing some people.

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Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Take that Bowel Cancer

So its true, I am in remission. The CT scan showed nothing there, the blood I had taken before the last lot of chemotherapy showed normal tumour markers and everything can gradually return to normal. 

Except things are not normal. As I mentioned before there is the paranoia that I am carrying the faultyy gene and so could be rediagnosed at any time. 

Then there is the bowel stuff. I have not known anything like it - I can veer from blocked to loose in the course of a day.

I addressed this with the consultant yesterday. Although I have asked my surgeon & my oncologist several times if there is anything I should be avoiding or including in my diet the answers have always been there is nothing you should cut out.

Speaking to the consultant yesterday and discussing (like an adult without being embarassed or sniggering) she suggested that it might be worth cutting out 'healthy food'. So things that you eat because they are good for you like muesli, wholemeal bread & pasta, and seeds and pulses should be cut out to see if it has an impact on your regularity. 

Now I have already reduced my caffeine intake. Every 3 to 4 weeks I think 'oh I really want a coffee, it can't be that bad' and then my stomach & intestines remind me why I am cutting it out (Decaff has the same effect). Funny enough I can drink tea though. 

So once the current muesli packet is finished I shall be looking for a new breakfast cereal. 

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Follow Ups

So today is 'F' day and to cap it off I hardly slept at all last night.

I know I should be being positive but yesterday I got my latest Beating Bowel Cancer update and reading it just set my mind racing.

The worst thing about this is the loss of control. I cannot control whether or not the cancer chooses to come back. I can alter my diet, change my fitness habits and follow all the government health advice (some of it very contradictory) but nothing will change the fact that I ultimately have no control over what is going on.

So today, like every other day, I have to suck it up, put a positive spin on things because I think if people knew what was really going on in my head and heart and the amount of time I spend in tears or near tears about the uncontrollable they would be horrified

Monday, 2 April 2012


Now most people have made their resolutions and broken them by the 2nd of January. However I promised myself at the start of the year that I wouldn't make or indeed break any resolutions until I was free of chemotherapy.
I suppose technically that was 14th March, the day I took my last handful of tablets, but I haven't felt like I am free of anything just yet
You see that's the thing about Cancer. It is now a permanent part of my life. I will forever be concerned that it will come back. I know plenty or people go on to live a long and healthy life and never have to deal with it again. I also know people who knock one type of cancer on the head and then have to deal with another and another and another.
I cannot say into which camp I will fall as I am still in the processing mode I have had part one of my follow up which was yet another CT scan, and on Tuesday I see my oncologist to confirm I am all clear.
Honestly I cannot see past that date at the moment. It will be at Crawley Hospital which is the same place I was when I was told that it was cancer, where I had to go to have my PICC line flushed & where there is a lot of negativity for me. Its not as bad as East Surrey which will forever be associated with the surgery and readmissions, or Royal Surrey where I had all the 'poxy oxi'
So until Tuesday life is still on hold, although there are crafty goings on, including purple prickles for a Gruffalo Costume...photos to follow