About this Blog

This blog started as an online diary and place for me to rant about annoyances in my family.

However since July it has become a place for me to catalogue and express my views and opinions on the treatment I have recieved following the diagnosis of a potentially cancerous tumor in my bowel.

On 3rd August 2011 I was told that it was cancerous. In April 2012 I was given the all clear.

October 15th 2013 I was diagnosed with peritoneal disease and liver metastases. The cancer was back and this time it is inoperable.

It is a little bit out of date as the NHS doesn't tend to have a WiFi connection in hospital and I can only post when I get home and posts take a while to write.

It is NOT about individuals or the nursing profession. It is about some of the inadequacies in the system and the way the NHS is failing some people.

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Monday, 20 February 2012

2nd Children

I have recently finished re reading 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother' by Amy Chua (Here on Amazon) and started analysing my own parenting style.

This in turn led me to wonder whether second children have it easier or harder than first born's?

With your first you are muddling along and let them do everything at their own pace, you read everything you can about parenting and all the contentious topics to make sure that you are doing the best for your offspring. 

How does it work with the second?

I can only go on my own experience but they do have a rougher ride than number one. You can't devote 100% attention to them any more so they have to fit in with whatever is happening. Here are a couple of examples:

1. With Isaac, I knew when he would nap as a baby. I never tried to get him into a routine but he developed one and would nap at fairly regular times everyday from about 4 months old. With Imogen I still have no idea when she will nap. When she was tiny she would fall asleep after feeding or in the car or whenever she felt like it. For a long time she would fall asleep on me and if I tried to put her down she would wake up. Even now I know she will fall asleep in the afternoon - sometimes it can be straight after lunch (like today she was asleep by 1pm and slept for almost 90 minutes), other times she might not fall asleep until 3pm and sleep for 45 minutes. Someday's she won't sleep at all and then will snuggle in and have a 20 minute power nap between 6 and 7pm and still go into bed after bath time and fall asleep fairly quickly.
2. I have increasingly found myself getting frustrated with Imogen when I ask her to do something because Isaac will do as he is told. I have to keep reminding myself that she is still not quite 2 and that I would not have expected Isaac to do what I am asking her. I'm not bragging when I say she is bright for her age, but I must remember that she is almost 2, not almost 3 as it seems sometimes with her behaviour.

However sometimes I find her a lot easier to 'parent' and wonder why this is. My thoughts are thus:

With Isaac I am still experiencing everything for the first time, so I have no experience to base it on. With Imogen I have already 'been there, done that, got the ...' and so when she does something it is not so much of a novelty. This doesn't mean that she doesn't still shock me. 

Last Wednesday she announced 'big girl pants now mummy' and although I had no intention of potty training until I had finished chemotherapy I would like to brag that in the last year I have potty trained two children, and here is where my parenting approach differs. With Isaac and potty training, as you will know I found it very frustrating. I stayed in for 4 days before venturing out of the house and would religiously take him to the toilet every 30 minutes. With Imogen we put her in knickers on Thursday and went out for the day!!! I took her to the toilet 3 times during the day and she performed on cue each time. Since then we have not had a day in the house. We have been out everyday and I have taken her to the toilet when I have remembered. In the house she will go to the potty and wee. 

So, what is my point here? I think the point that I am trying to make is that as your first child grows up you are still experiencing everything for the first time and so you are constantly learning. With your second or subsequent child(ren) you have the experience and patience to allow them to be more independent and you can draw on your greater parenting knowledge to enforce that. it doesn't mean sometimes you will expect things from them that they are not capable of it does mean you can be more analytical and hopefully consistent in your parenting approach.