About this Blog

This blog started as an online diary and place for me to rant about annoyances in my family.

However since July it has become a place for me to catalogue and express my views and opinions on the treatment I have recieved following the diagnosis of a potentially cancerous tumor in my bowel.

On 3rd August 2011 I was told that it was cancerous. In April 2012 I was given the all clear.

October 15th 2013 I was diagnosed with peritoneal disease and liver metastases. The cancer was back and this time it is inoperable.

It is a little bit out of date as the NHS doesn't tend to have a WiFi connection in hospital and I can only post when I get home and posts take a while to write.

It is NOT about individuals or the nursing profession. It is about some of the inadequacies in the system and the way the NHS is failing some people.

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Friday, 13 June 2014

Approaching the end

As the end approaches a lot of people are going to question the decisions I have made and the ones I have taken. 
You can judge all you like, some people may think I am being selfish or ignorant. Others will not understand why I am making the decisions I am.

Today I have made one of the hardest decisions I have had to make in my short, yes, short, I'm 34 years old, not 74 or even 54, i'm 34 remember that.

I have decided to go into respite care. I cannot be the burden upon my family anymore that I have become. 

I want my children to have happy memories of their home with mummy in & lots of love and fun and laughter. There is already so much pain for me in my house, where I have yelled at them for no reason other than that I can't cope. 

That's not their fault. My uncontrollable pain and suffering has been taken out on them for too long and now we can create happy memories in their home while I receive the round the clock 24/7 care I need.

So, on Monday I enter a new phase of cancer living. I am going into respite care at St Catherine's in Crawley. My new home, the place where I can relax and receive the specialist 24/7 care I need.

You might not understand this decision, it has not been taken lightly, but rest assured it is the best decision for me, my family and my health.