About this Blog

This blog started as an online diary and place for me to rant about annoyances in my family.

However since July it has become a place for me to catalogue and express my views and opinions on the treatment I have recieved following the diagnosis of a potentially cancerous tumor in my bowel.

On 3rd August 2011 I was told that it was cancerous. In April 2012 I was given the all clear.

October 15th 2013 I was diagnosed with peritoneal disease and liver metastases. The cancer was back and this time it is inoperable.

It is a little bit out of date as the NHS doesn't tend to have a WiFi connection in hospital and I can only post when I get home and posts take a while to write.

It is NOT about individuals or the nursing profession. It is about some of the inadequacies in the system and the way the NHS is failing some people.

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Tuesday, 22 February 2011


No not car crashes this time, but my life coming crashing down around my ears.

I was supposed to have an interview with the NCT to train as a breastfeeding counselor. Something I am really passionate about, not just breastfeeding but the whole process and helping those who can't succeed or not feeling bad about not being able to do it. There are many ways of feeding a baby and I wanted to be able to support new parents in their feeding choices, not enforce my beliefs on them.

Note I said supposed to..... I got an email today saying the tutor group was full and all interviews were cancelled. Now call me bitter ( and I suppose I am a bit) but it seems silly to arrange to interview people when your group is full or you know that your group is about to be full. I am feeling really unsure of myself at the moment and that was the one bright thing I had to look forward too. Even if I had been interviewed and told that I wasn't going to be able to start until there was a space I would have understood, but this seems a bit haphazard.

What is also in the back of my mind is the fact that Tuesday is also applying, and she is Lex's sister and I wonder what lengths Lex would go to to make sure her little sister got a place and would that be to the detriment of me?

Am I a cynic? yes probably. So little seems to go right in my life at the moment. 

I though that the crash was a blessing in disguise, no need to MOT the car or tax it, so I would be saving some cash, but this on top of that is not a good thing.

If this seems negative then that is what it is, I can't change how I feel or what my emotions are doing at the moment.

Maybe posting this will help me offload, it seems to make things clearer.

Maybe the birth stories will be next - prepare for trauma!!