About this Blog

This blog started as an online diary and place for me to rant about annoyances in my family.

However since July it has become a place for me to catalogue and express my views and opinions on the treatment I have recieved following the diagnosis of a potentially cancerous tumor in my bowel.

On 3rd August 2011 I was told that it was cancerous. In April 2012 I was given the all clear.

October 15th 2013 I was diagnosed with peritoneal disease and liver metastases. The cancer was back and this time it is inoperable.

It is a little bit out of date as the NHS doesn't tend to have a WiFi connection in hospital and I can only post when I get home and posts take a while to write.

It is NOT about individuals or the nursing profession. It is about some of the inadequacies in the system and the way the NHS is failing some people.

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Saturday, 30 July 2011

After the bombshell

So I was home. 


It was lovely if surreal. I had to remember to take my own medication. No one reminding you!!


Because I had been taken in so suddenly Imogen had had to stop Breastfeeding which had been incredibly hard for me to accept and come to terms with on top of everything else. This did mean that Tony had started putting her down while awake and letting Isaac sleep in our bed with a barrier between them.


This continued, although Isaac swapped Daddy for Mummy as daddy was now back at work. He provided just as much entertainment as a ward of older women discussing their hysterectomies and gynaecological problems, particularly when he sat bolt up right in bed and told me that 'no mummy I don't want a picnic in the toilet!!'


I would like to add that I have never expected my children to eat in the toilet and when we have a picnic we do tend to go and sit on some grass or a steam train!!


The highlight of the time back at home was going to be a trip to Nottingham for a wedding of a very old friend from Uni. Originally we had planned for all 4 of us to go and drive up. Given the current uncertainties in my health we called in the cavalry (My Dad) and him and mum agreed to have the kids over the weekend so Tony and I could go up on our own. This did involve taking the train, in fact taking several trains, but it was worth it.


Everyone knew what had happened but no one cared. It was like being back at uni, although I didn't drink but everyone else did!!!


On the Saturday evening I started to flag at about 9.30pm and Tony walked me back to the hotel, which was all of 500m and then went back to 'party'


I settled down for some sleep and it came back. Yep, the pain was back with a vengenance. I tossed and turned all night. I'm not sure what time Tony came back I know he started off on bed with me but ended up on the floor to give me some extra room. Not that it made any difference. The only way I can describe the pain is unrelenting. It came in waves and sometimes my 'stomach' went hard and then soft. It would be needle sharp and just wouldn't go away. It had me in tears due to the nature of it. I have had 2 children and this was a lot worse pain than either of those.


I was just drifting off when Tony's phone rang. It was our lift home asking how long we were going to be. I don't think I have ever got dressed that quickly and packed too!!


Because it was Sunday getting home was not as easy as getting there. The trains were off so we were being taken into Peterborough to get the train back to Kings Cross, rather than St Pancras where we had come from. 


Our train from Peterborough was not til 11am and we were there about 9.45. We thought that we would try our luck with getting on an earlier train. Even though I was in tears in the booking office the staff were really unhelpfull. Only offering us tickets at almost double what we had paid for our tickets. That was that then, we were stuck til 11am. 


The train arrived we fought for our 'reserved seats' and settled down to get home. I had already checked out the hospital phone number and had called my consultant, however they weren't in the office until 7am on Monday morning. 


Tony and I talked about what to do. Because the car was in Redhill we had to drive past the hospital to get home. I wanted to go home to the kids and so we did.