About this Blog

This blog started as an online diary and place for me to rant about annoyances in my family.

However since July it has become a place for me to catalogue and express my views and opinions on the treatment I have recieved following the diagnosis of a potentially cancerous tumor in my bowel.

On 3rd August 2011 I was told that it was cancerous. In April 2012 I was given the all clear.

October 15th 2013 I was diagnosed with peritoneal disease and liver metastases. The cancer was back and this time it is inoperable.

It is a little bit out of date as the NHS doesn't tend to have a WiFi connection in hospital and I can only post when I get home and posts take a while to write.

It is NOT about individuals or the nursing profession. It is about some of the inadequacies in the system and the way the NHS is failing some people.

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Friday, 16 August 2013

My body has given up

Since December 2007 I have either been pregnant, breastfeeding or battling cancer and as a result I think my body may have decided it is time to throw in the towel.

No, no, I am not dying but there are a lot of things wrong with my body and I am annoyed that in this quick fix era there is no quick fix for the human body.


Before Hope was conceived I was a comfortable dress size 16. I was happy with this and had started running and doing yoga to try and tone up some of those Mummy Wobbly bits, but was not planning on loosing any more weight. Fast forward to today. I am wearing a pair of size 14 jeans that I bough when Hope was 6 weeks old and they are too big. I have lost at least 15 kgs since she was conceived and I am worried. 

I know that this statement puts me at odds with the vast majority of my sex. Most women would kill to loose weight without having to watch what they eat and excersise, but not me. I have never worried about my weight. Other than 3 months before my wedding where I used slimfast to try and loose a few pounds I have never dieted. Yet, I cannot keep weight on at the moment. I look in the mirror and see an ill looking stranger looking back at me. According to the NHS BMI calculator here I am healthy, but I was also healthy when I was 15kgs heavier and I was also a lot happier.

Add to the unexplained dramatic weight loss all the other health complaints I am suffering and you would be forgiven for thinking that I am on a one woman campaign to use every bit of the NHS!!

I am still having physio for the back pain which came on when I was pregnant.

Then there is the bowel stuff

If you do not like poo related discussions you might want to stop reading now :)

Since having Hope my bowels have become somewhat unpredictable again. I almost feel like I have regressed to how they were acting post surgery. It is explosive, unpleasant smelling, urgent and frequent. Combined with incredible bloating & stomach cramps like I have never experienced before my GP has been able to refer me for another colonoscopy (on Monday so I am starting my preparation tonight) and I have seriously considered cutting things out of my diet.

No, scratch that I have cut something out of my diet. On Wednesday I made the decision that the agony I have been suffering after a sandwich is something not worth the pain so I have decided to cut out gluten/wheat. Actually I do feel better for it. But it is unscientific as I have no diagnosis to confirm whether or not I need to do this. But it does help. 

What doesn't help is this TV advert which has me crazing a large slice of hot buttered home made toast and marmite.

But hopefully come September we will have some answers or some tablets and I will be able to move further away from the toilet!!!