Cancer, one year on

Ok, so not strictly one year on as I didn't get the final diagnosis til 3rd August.
But never the less this last week has been really hard for me. I have been coming to terms with the fact that this time last year we knew there was something wrong but not what. In the last year I have undergone 8 hellish cycles of chemotherapy, been told that potentially I might not be able to have any more children and have lived with the very, very real fear that this might come back. 


It is certainly easy to say think positive but I defy even the most positive of people to not have their down days. This week has been a down week. 


There have been some lovely memories made this week. The olympic torch arrived in Crawley and we headed down to see that. A friend actually got to carry the torch in East Grinstead and Tony managed to get his hands on it too. It has also been Isaac's last week at pre school. 


Now that is quite significant for me. In my downest moments last summer I occasionally thought that I wouldn't get to see him start pre school, let alone graduate. But I did, I fought the cancer and saw my brave little boy graduate from pre school, and now we have the next big adventure, Infant School. He is so excited about the new challenges and adventures ahead and so am I. I am entering the world of lost jumpers, reading books, homework and lunch boxes. On top of all of that I am so proud of the way that he has coped over the last year. I don't know if the children understood how significantly ill mummy was, but I do know that last summer was probably a bit of a let down for them.


So this year we are going to have the summer of our lives. 


Tomorrow we are off to Scout Camp for a week, then there will be at least one trip on the Bluebell Railway, the Tulleys Farm Maize Maze, hopefully some picnics with some very good friends who have supported me massively over the last year. Then there are 2 massively significant events. 


Beautiful days Number 10. Last year it was all I kept asking my surgeon 'Can I go, Can I go?' So we went, it was hard work but I felt normal. This year will be awesome. I am planning heart bunting, heart t shirts and a fab menu.


Then there is Jo's Jump for Beating Bowel Cancer. If you haven't sponsored her yet, I urge you too. I will be there, albeit on the ground cheering, taking photos and generally being there for her as she has been there for me over the last year.


Beating Bowel Cancer have been a huge support to me and continue to support me even now and every penny raised goes towards raising awareness of this disease.

Keepin' it.....

People that know me, either 'in real life' or 'virtually' will know that I am not the type of person to sit back and let things pass me by!!


With this in mind I have had a week of 'keepin' it real!!'


Things started well, this appeared in the local paper on Wednesday. It took a while to come to fruition, but was worth it due to all the positive comments I have received and all the new people who have come to read this little old blog.


On Friday I bit the bullet and went along to my first yoga class in a long time at The Olive Tree Cancer Support Centre, which was so relaxing. I really started to feel normal and have even booked to go back next week despite it being 2 days after the start of round 3.


But the real highlight of the week was Saturday. 


You should by now have realised that I am a bit of a music junkie. 4 weeks after surgery I went to Beautiful Days. So, on my rest week off we went to Tunbridge Wells Forum, for an evening of organised choas courtesy of 3 Daft Monkeys, who released their single yesterday. Check it out on you tube.


It was a great evening. The Forum used to be a public toilet, but is a fantastic venue. Small, Intimate, but with plenty of space for dancing!! It was also great to finally meet some twitter friends, Jeff & Lukas. It was also great to see Rich back with 3 Daft Monkeys. 

Rich, Lukas, Athene & Tim - AKA 3 Daft Monkeys

If you haven't heard of them, check them out. Fantastic Fun and lots and lots of dancing!!!


We are off to Guildford this week for round 3, so I can see lots more cold sensitivity, sore hands and feet, sickness & loss of appetite in my future :(

An upto date update

So this is actually about what happened today rather than me writing in the past.


The appointment was at 4.20, and at 5pm we were still waiting. Typical NHS really, although the car park ticket did run out at 5pm, but we figured that if we went back to the car we would miss our appointment so we didn't.


So we went in eventually and the consultant was there along with the cancer support nurse and a general outpatient nurse.


I told him about the fainting and showed the quite impressive bruise on my arm. then we talked about the serious stuff.


Now, we had prepared for it being cancer after the consultant had talked to me in recovery. Although we hadn't told many people it was cancerous we were prepared. I was more worried that it had spread and gone into the lymph nodes and I knew that they had removed some of those too.


But it hadn't, yes the tumor was cancer, but it hadn't spread to any of the lymph nodes at all. 


I think we were relieved. In fact I had been so prepared for worse news that I almost felt light headed. 


For all the technical/medical people out there it was a T4, N0 tumor. 
T4 means it had spread all the way through my bowel wall, but N0 means that no lymph nodes are involved.


After that I had a chat about my pain relief saga in surgical stepdown and how I kept having nightmares about it and the consultant is going to contact people so that I can have some 'closure'.

Then he had a look at my wound and was most impressed & told me I could have started showering after 2 days and didn't need to have waited all this time either!!


Then the way forward.....


Because I am so young ( I love that bit) I needed to have chemo to ensure that it doesn't reoccur and to get any tiny bits that they might have missed.
Also, I think my brother and sisters are going to hate me, they need to have colonoscopy's to check that they are not going to suffer too. Sorry about that Jo, Phil & Sharon.
& when they get older the kids will need to be checked too. They might even do some form of genetic testing too.


So its all over, well not over. I shall definitely be back on here to update you with the progress and the past once I know what happened in surgical stepdown. But I know where I am going.....






BEAUTIFUL DAYS FESTIVAL, ESCOT PARK DEVON,  19TH TO 21ST AUGUST 2011




for drinking, sleeping, camping and lots of lovely live folky, hippy music.


Please leave comments if you want but I am so appreciative of all the support that you virtual, tweeters, FB ers etc have given me that I cannot express it.