Drawing a (PICC) line under it

Sorry about that, I just need to let you all know that I have my arm back. So, on Wednesday I drove across to Guildford because I knew I would not be having any 'proxy oxy' as defined on many bowel cancer forums. On speaking to my oncologist it spears that i was given a higher dose/regieme than is normally used. I should have questioned this but didn't think about it at the time. I think I will in next time, if I remember!! Then he said those amazing words 'i think that your PICC can come out' This means that tomorrow morning I can have a shower and not wrap my arm in cling film. Although this is a useful skill I have acquired over the last 5 months I can't see it being something I will advertise on my cv! If you think it sounds easy I urge you to try and wrap your own bicep in cling film one evening and let me know how it goes. So the PICC is out, the skin is very dry and shares in palmers cocoa butter are going to go sky high as this is the only thing that tackles my really dry skin. I have also started thinking about the direction of this blog once the chemo has finished. I hope you will still stay with me because I think I may start boring you with some of my craftyness. There will be pictures, rants about difficult patterns and hopefully some finishing of long term UFO (unfinished objects) and an update on my WIP (work in progress). I shall tell you about what I have OTN or OTH (on the needles or on the hooks) and show you my wishlists of projects. My first UFO I really want to finish are the bobble cushions I started when Imogen was 6 weeks old. I can't find a link at the moment but will make sure i do before long.

Keepin' it.....

People that know me, either 'in real life' or 'virtually' will know that I am not the type of person to sit back and let things pass me by!!


With this in mind I have had a week of 'keepin' it real!!'


Things started well, this appeared in the local paper on Wednesday. It took a while to come to fruition, but was worth it due to all the positive comments I have received and all the new people who have come to read this little old blog.


On Friday I bit the bullet and went along to my first yoga class in a long time at The Olive Tree Cancer Support Centre, which was so relaxing. I really started to feel normal and have even booked to go back next week despite it being 2 days after the start of round 3.


But the real highlight of the week was Saturday. 


You should by now have realised that I am a bit of a music junkie. 4 weeks after surgery I went to Beautiful Days. So, on my rest week off we went to Tunbridge Wells Forum, for an evening of organised choas courtesy of 3 Daft Monkeys, who released their single yesterday. Check it out on you tube.


It was a great evening. The Forum used to be a public toilet, but is a fantastic venue. Small, Intimate, but with plenty of space for dancing!! It was also great to finally meet some twitter friends, Jeff & Lukas. It was also great to see Rich back with 3 Daft Monkeys. 

Rich, Lukas, Athene & Tim - AKA 3 Daft Monkeys

If you haven't heard of them, check them out. Fantastic Fun and lots and lots of dancing!!!


We are off to Guildford this week for round 3, so I can see lots more cold sensitivity, sore hands and feet, sickness & loss of appetite in my future :(

Ding, Ding, Ding, ROUND 2

Wow, if you have a problem complain.


Although today was chemo day it was so much nicer than last time.


It was a long day. Left the house just after 7am, train at 7.25, change at Gatwick, train to Guildford, walk to Bus Station, Bus to hospital (£1.60 what a RIp Off), get lost in hospital due to really erratic signposting.


Let the receptionist know I was here, then wait and wait and wait.


I was called in about 20 minutes late and then I let rip.


I told the consultant all about the fiasco I had suffered the previous time. He looked shocked, he said that he had never heard of this kind of failure in the system and then he arranged for me to talk to one of the chemo nurses to explain what had happened too.


After getting everything off my chest, he checked all my blood results and how I had coped with the previous treatment. He explained that the some of the side effects would be cumulative so they would get progressively worse. Yay what fun, I can hardly wait, and I can already notice it. As I sit here typing my fingers are all tingley and I feel quite nauseous although I can't take the next anti sickness until bed time. 


I then spoke to the chemo nurse and went through it all again. You know the fiasco so I don't need to go through it all again for you here. 


 By now it was 11.30 and I was supposed to go for treatment at 12noon, but I was starving & did not want go have hospital food. The chemo nurse had told me that the treatment would not be delivered until 1pm at the earliest so I had some leeway.


I went to try and find the restaurant. I had a quick look and could not see any card machines. So I checked. What a joke - The hospital restaurant only takes cash. What happens if you have been admitted to A&E and don't have any cash. I was shocked, how in the 21st century can a major hospital restaurant not take plastic.


Then I remembered. When I had come into the hospital earlier I had seen a Costa, surely they would take cards and have sandwiches. Thank You Costa Coffee. They took cards, but not loyalty cards. 


I had a sandwich and coffee and headed back up to the Chilworth Day Unit just after midday and didn't have to wait very long until I was called through and told to find a seat. The nurse came and explained that they would flush the line, change the dressing and then once the treatment was delivered it would take about 2.30 hours to go through and be flushed again. 


So I was hooked up, took out the paper and educated myself about current affairs, taxed my brain with the suduko & crosswords, plugged into my ipod I can honestly say that it wasn't too bad. The Zutons kept playing, although I was on shuffle and I was transported back to 2004 and Glastonbury in the New Bands Tent and the mud and I felt happy. 


About 2.30 Tony & the children arrived. I wasn't sure about this as they might not have been too confident. But I am so glad they came up. The smiles on fellow patients faces were incredible. To know that my children could do that was fab & I hope I cheered up some peoples otherwise rubbish days.


So now I am home and the eyes have stopped twitching, but the tingling is bad. Wearing Gloves however makes operating a mouse, iPod touch and wiping bottoms inconvenient so I have to grin & bear it.

Lets talk about

Today was a particularly horrible day for me. 


It was the funeral of a friend who had passed away following bowel cancer surgery.


It led me to be quite reflective about my own diagnosis and whether I should have done something sooner.


Since Imogen was born I have had problems with my bowels. It started off as being diagnosed as piles. then a fissure but it didn't improve with all the ointments and tablets I was given and so I just learnt to live with it. 

Everytime the cramps kicked in and I thought about going to the GP I remembered the hassle about trying to get an appointment that would fit in with having 2 children and a hubby who works nights. 


The 2 times I did go to the doctors about the cramps I was fobbed off with it 'probably being ovulation pains' or 'menstrual pains'. Both times these were male GP's I saw. 


So I stopped going to the Dr everytime I had a bout of doubling over pain, mostly in the evenings when I was trying to bath the kids, but instead was bent double on the Loo wondering whether this was normal. 


2 days before I was admitted to hospital I went to see the GP again as I was convinced I was anaemic. I was constantly out of breath and kept getting dizzy all the time. This time I saw a female GP, but it didn't occur to me to talk to her about the fact that I kept getting fobbed off with 'womens problems'


She booked me in for a blood test, which I subsequently had to cancel as I was already in hospital and already had the blood tests, knew I was severely anaemic & had had a blood transfusion.


So, what is the point of all this. 


The last time I saw the lady who passed away was on Scout Camp, at the end of May. I had a horrible time on camp with bowel issues and I knew I had to go to the doctor but fitting it in again was a problem. Speaking to people today she had been unwell then too. 


But not only on camp, she had been unwell a lot in the past and had not been to the Dr and had blamed it on other medical things. 


Who knows, If I had been to the GP more frequently and been more demanding maybe they would have caught my cancer earlier, maybe I wouldn't be panicing about getting to Guildford for 9am tomorrow morning to catch the bus to the hospital to be there all day while Tony takes the children to the Mid Hants Steam Railway. Maybe I wouldn't have to endure the unpleasantness of chemotherapy and all the associated side effects and cock ups the NHS has made so far.


But, if by reading this & by knowing what I am going through it prompts you to go to your GP, get your bowel habits checked out, or anything else then it is worth it. I would hate for anyone I know either in person or virtually to go through the hell I have been through. 


I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. After tomorrow it is only 6 more sessions, but that is still 6 more trips to Guildford, arranging childcare & work, organising myself and generally feeling pretty rubbish while putting a brave face on it for the children who do not deserve this & and are what give me the strength to keep on going. 


So, Please Talk About Your Bowels

So, what is Chemotherapy like?

Well, I shall try and answer this for you. Although yesterday was a bit underwhelming. 


I think I started off on the wrong foot because I tried to drive the wrong way into the car park, but honestly I went in that way on Tuesday & suddenly it was no entry on Wednesday. How random. So I had to leave Tony to park the car and hope that he would find his way to the ward. 


I thought, and this was how it had been explained to me in the pre chemo appointment that I would see the consultant and then have the chemo. With this being my first treatment, there was no consultant just straight to treatment. 


This wasn't great as no one really explained what was happening, I rolled up my sleeve, exposed my PICC and in it went. There was the standard checking of DOB's, names etc but nothing else. 


And that was it. It pumped it's way in. No drama, no issues, none of the incessant beeping that had blighted my first stay in hospital when I kept rolling over while they were transfusing the blood. 


Lunch was available, although nothing to write home about. The pump counted down how long it had to go and then when it finished then nurse came and reset it to make sure that i got eveything. Then they flushed the line with saline & it was time to go home. 


The whole thing took about 3 hours in total. 


I got my bag of 'goodies' to take home and off we went. Although it wasn't quite that simple. The nurse came to let me know about my next appointment's. Yep, appointment's, Now I understood that generally there were 2 appointments one for the consultant appointment & blood tests and then one the next day for the chemo, but I had been assured that I would be able to have the blood test done locally & then see the consultant and have the Chemo all in one day. I must have explained this about three times to this nurse. She didn't seem to grasp it. I have 2 small children, a 60+ mile round trip (& a car that thinks petrol is a lovely thing to drink) I cannot be doing two trips to Guildford when I can have blood taken locally & then have it all done in one day as it only takes about 3-4 hours. As soon as my next appointment comes through I shall be on to them like a rash.


The thing I didn't enjoy was the atmosphere in the treatment 'ward' I suppose you would call it. It had a lot of chairs with IV trees and pumps next to them and people connected to various bags of chemicals. But that was it, there was no chatting, no swapping war stories.The only person who spoke to me delighted in telling me how lucky I was. I do feel lucky when I read other peoples blogs and posting on bowel cancer and cancer forums, but I didn't feel lucky then & actually I wanted to get a word in edgeways but I wasn't able.


And then we left. 


And the side effects kicked in. Walking down the corridor the wind rushing over my damp lips made them tingle. Well that wasn't too bad, I suppose, except that they kept tingling & probably would have been worse if we had had further to walk. 

The stop at Starbucks for Coffee and cake demonstrated another couple. Washing my hands after going to the loo the hot tap took a while to warm up and so my fingers went numb. Then a beautiful looking blueberry muffin had to be nibbled so as to prevent massive pains shooting through my mouth and jaw. Crying was out too.


Driving home the nausea kicked in too. Once we had picked up the kids and got home I examined by bag of 'pills'. God you need a degree to decipher what to do with them.


There was..

1. The box of chemo tablets - Take 4 in the morning and evening after food
2. An antisickess to be taken the evening following chemotherapy, but as late as possible (Tony had to wake me up to take this)
3. Another set of antisickness to be taken 3 times a day before meals
4. More antisickness to be taken 3 times a day after meals
5. Anti diarrhoea tablets to be taken as and when needed.
6. As well as the anti MRSA stuff I have to stick up my nose three times a day and
7. The anti MRSA wash I have to use everyday.

So, Tony went to buy tea and I started drugging up!!!

I felt sick & twitchy, and made the mistake of washing my hands properly under my hot tap & I lost them effectively. It took about 20 minutes for the feeling to come back. I ran a drink from the cold tap and lost the feeling in my throat momentarily which was scary. This is a whole new kettle of fish for me. I am not used to side effects kicking in this quick or being this severe. I leant against the dining room wall & my entire arm started tingling.

I drugged up, we bathed the kids and I had to go to bed because the twitching was so bad. It felt like I was about to get a migraine, another unpleasantness. 

The tingling & numbness has continued today. We went to Sainsburys and I nearly dropped the melon because it was too cold. Getting dressed was a problem as my jeans were too cold. They had only been in the wardrobe!!!

The interesting part was walking on the kitchen floor, my feet went numb and I needed socks urgently, again THANK YOU SOPHIE!!!

We are managing them now though. We bought bottles of sparkling water in Sainsburys and they do not cause the numbing of the throat and the sickness and twitching appear to have gone.

I do now feel fluy, but I had my flu jab today so what do you expect!!

P.... p .......p .....PICC up a line!

Well that was thoroughly unpleasant.

It is a very sterile process, involving sheets, orange arms, gowns etc.

There was local anesthetic, ultrasound, spasming veins, cutting, threading, measuring.

Then an x ray to check positioning.

And finally the drive home

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Whoops, I missed....

recording the start of spooks on BBC One :( 


I have been extra busy this week. & if not thats what it feels like.


Cancer & it subsequent treatment does not just effect you. It effects everyone.


This week I rang to make the appointment to get my PICC line inserted (4th October)


In with the confirmation letter for that was the date of my first treatment (5th October).


Alongside all of that I had arranged a flu jab for 6th October as well as the preschool cake sale.


So I have spent the week trying to arrange things for my children. 


To have the PICC line inserted I have to be in Guildford for 10am. This means that I need to leave home by 08.15am at the latest. This, in turn, means that Tony has to be home from work by 8am so I can check traffic, petrol & probably move car seats. He in turn has to drop Isaac at the childminders at 09.30 and then look after Imogen until I get home. 


On the Wednesday Isaac has preschool form 09.30 - 12.30, my appointment is at 11am & I know that that is just to see the consultant, that is not the chemo itself which takes at least 2 hours from what I have been given to understand. It also has to be prepared on site.


So Wednesday looks like this. 

Take Imogen to childminder, take Isaac to preschool, tell preschool that childminder is picking Isaac up. Drive to Guildford (again), see consultant, Hang around waiting for chemo. Have chemo, drive home, collect children collapse exhausted onto the sofa.


Before all of this though it is my birthday. Tony did have it booked off, but now with all of this I have to spend it without my husband. So we did what any normal family would do.


Spent this weekend on 3 different steam railways celebrating.


We started on Friday night on the Bluebell Railway fish and chip train. I love these as do the kids and so we had fish and chips on the steam train.


On Saturday we travelled slightly further East and went on the Spa Valley Railway from Groombridge to Tunbridge Wells, back to Eridge and finishing in Groombridge. I was ever so good. I love Tunbridge Wells' mix of shopping and so could spend hours browsing and spending, but I didn't :)


& today I forfeited the end of the Grand Prix to take the kids to Goffs Park to have a go on the Light Railway they have there.

And now I am doing admin. Not for me admittedly but Rainbow admin & NCT admin and blogging ;)


And now to bed!!

I just found a cola bottle sweet in the washing machine

But unfortunately that's as funny as it gets today. I feel the need for honesty about how I am feeling before I loose the plot and collapse into a quivering wreck on the floor.


I am a wreck. I feel emotionally drained, tearful & on a rapid downhill rollercoaster I can't stop. 


So lets think about why I feel like this and what has bought it on?


1. Imogen. Or more specifically her sleeping. I have already talked about how, since we came back from Somerset at the end of August she has taken an age to settle and routinely woken in the night. I am at the end of my tether, her screaming breaks my heart but I know I need to let her learn how to settle herself. I just wish it wasn't so painful. More than that though I am fed up with everyone giving me an opinion and telling me that I just need to let her scream it out because by going in to her I am encouraging her.
Firstly I do not believe in letting her scream uncontrolled. I believe that it is harmful for the child and does not teach them anything. When Imogen is screaming I am sitting in the room providing reassuring words and keeping calm. I cannot do this in the middle of the night.
Secondly if I let her scream for to long she wakes Isaac up. Then I have 2 awake toddlers not one. Isaac can settle himself but if he is too awake he struggles on his own and cannot understand why he can't come into mummy's bed too. 
Thirdly although we have a third bedroom it is in no fit state to put a child in and let them scream it out. It needs at least a week of 'decluttering'. I fully intend to eBay, car boot, nearly new sale and recycle the things in there (and in the attic come to think of it) but at the moment: 
(a) I have more important things to do
(b) I have 2 children to look after and they need my attention, although I do do some things in the evenings.
Finally I like having the kids in bed with me. Although they wriggle and fidget there is nothing lovelier than when they snuggle in to me. I love being woken up by the children in bed with me rather than a screaming Imogen or the immortal toddler phrase 'Mummy, I need a wee wee'


2. The whole Cancer thing. This week has been a long one, awaiting decisions. There was the whole Wednesday 'pre chemo' appointment with the real information about how the treatment would work and the hope of the fertility referral. This was followed by the bombshell on Thursday from the fertility clinic, that because I have 2 children I would be ineligible. I do understand, honestly I do, that there have to be rules. But I also think that every case should be considered on its individual basis. 10 weeks ago I thought I had years left to expand my family; I thought I would be able to go through the pleasure and enjoyment you get from watching a new little person develop its own personality and traits; I was looking forward to breastfeeding another baby and watching the contented look on its face as it unlatched and stayed asleep. Yeah, after the screaming & things with Imogen it has crossed my mind that I may have another 'demon' child on my hands, but I still wanted another & now that choice may have been taken away from me. I know that it is not guaranteed that the chemo will make me infertile but I have to work on the worst case scenario and that is that there will be no more little Hayllars.


3. The final thing that is helping to fuel the exhaustion is the constant repetition of everything. When I come out of an appointment it goes like this. Tony and I talk about the appointment and the way forward. Then I call my parents and go through the whole process again. Then I maybe call my sister or brother or little sister and go through the whole thing again. 
I might then blog or tweet about it to get it out of my system. It does help talking about it and by putting it on the Internet I hope that I can help people who are going through the same thing or anything similar can get some support or comfort from the fact that it can hit anyone. 
What I find draining is explaining different aspects of the treatment, or the process or procedures again and again. 
Now, I am so overwhelmed by the support that I am getting from people. The offers of help, childcare, taking me to appointments etc are overwhelming. I also do not mind explaining things over and over again, but it is draining and I want to curl up under a blanket and sleep until it is all over. So please do not stop asking about how I am, what is going to happen, how am I feeling but bear in mind I may have explained something countless times and if I seem bored or disinterested then that is why. 

A trip to Guildford

Wow, today was intense.....


So lets take a few steps back and update you on a few things. 


We had a lovely normal day on Monday and went http://www.pooh-country.co.uk/ here to teach the kids how to play pooh sticks, a very important childhood game that everyone should now how to play.

explaining the rules

Watching for the sticks

I think that's mine mummy

Much cheating occured. Especially by Isaac. He liked to  drop his stick on  'steady', rather than the traditional 'GO'. Imogen on the other hand, has a fantastic throw and didn't really grasp the dropping of the stick as close to the bridge as possible. Instead she 'threw' it as far as she could!!

That's my stick mummy

I think the kids had more fun walking back to the car than they did playing. There were.....

PUDDLES

We love each other

and rocks to play and pose on.


























But enough frivolity, now to the serious business of 'pre' chemo appointments. 


Sometimes I despair of the NHS. My consultants secretary only works part time. She called me yesterday(Tuesday) and explained that I had been referred to 'gynae' for the fertility options. I then told her I was alarmed by the fact that I had received a letter about inserting my PICC line and I was worried that I was going to be bullied into having chemo before I was ready. 


She put me through to a nurse, who couldn't have been ruder. She told me that I WOULD be having a PICC line and obviously the consultant had decided I needed it now rather than later and there was no point in waiting and if I had any concerns I would need to talk to the nurses, but if the consultant had decided I needed it then I needed it. 


Wow, brutal, for someone who is already going through so much that was the last thing I needed. Tears flooded into my eyes and I realised that I wouldn't be able to do this alone. 


I had to go upstairs because I didn't want to alarm Imogen so went upstairs on the pretence of getting her a nappy (which she needed) and cried so loudly that I woke Tony. He gave me a quick cuddle and said he would come with me if I wanted. It was something I badly wanted however I also knew that it would not be fair on my mother in law to expect her to feed Isaac and Imogen dinner as well as lunch, although I would be preparing lunch for her to give them.


I came downstairs and logged onto Facebook and lo and behold my knight in shining armour had arrived. The lovely Nicola would be able to come with me and I was so relieved. 


I didn't sleep well on Tuesday night. I was woken at about 2.30am by my lovely smiley toddler, swiftly followed by the immortal toddler phrase...'mummy I need a wee wee'. Following a swift exodus of Imogen, then Isaac 'my bedroom is too spooky' into my bed I realised that I couldn't get back to sleep. A couple of episodes of Scrubs, How I met your Mother and then Deadliest Catch and I opted for a more unusual method of sleep induction....the night time shower. 


This really works. I got out of the shower, moisturised, dressed climbed back between my two toddlers and was asleep within minutes. Only to be awoken, what felt like moments later, by 'mummy can I watch Thomas now?'


I rolled over, found my glasses and saw that it was 6.40, so I told a little white lie and watched a bit of BBC Breakfast and the local news, and then offered a peace offering of Postman Pat. 


As a slight aside, did you know that Postman Pat is 30 this year?


Anyway I have digressed massively. 


So Guildford. 


After I had got Isaac from preschool (in the car, lazy mummy) Nicola and I set off. 


My appointment was at 2.30pm, I needed to be there 20 minutes beforehand for blood tests, so I was working on 2pm. We were massively early arriving at about 1.30. There was parking opposite the cancer centre and I qualify for subsidised parking which means it only cost £1.50 for the day.


After a quick cuppa we made our way to the reception, where I checked in. 


They gave me my blood forms and off we went for more sticking with needles, then back to reception to wait. 


We didn't have to wait long. We were taken through into a private room with a lovely chemo nurse called Liz. Liz went through everything. 


I am not going to bore you with everything we discussed (we left about 4pm so it was a lengthy meeting). But there are a few key points.

• There are quite a lot of side effects which can be quite serious so I need to stay on top of my health and not asssume that everything will be ok. On the upside if I have to go to A&E I can get priority treatment.
• I do not need to have the PICC line inserted just yet. I need to know what the fertility options are and once I know what is going on there I can call and make the appointment to have the PICC inserted. Before that happens I am going to make the most of being able to take the children swimming. ONce the line is in I won't be able to do that & I will have to wrap my arm in cling film to be able to shower!!!!
• I am going to have to do a lot of wrangling. Liz explained that normally the procedure is go to the dept have bloods taken & see the consultant in clinic. The following day go back to the department and have the chemo. I expressed some distress at that. Not only is it a phenomenal fuel cost, but means additional juggling, childcare etc. Once I explained this Liz said I should be able to have my bloods done locally and then see the consultant in clinic in the morning and have chemo in the afternoon. I will need to be very cunning (in a Baldrick fashion)
• Some of the potential side effects are quite intriguing. The numbness and tingling will be exacerbated by cold and so I may have to wear gloves when taking things out of the fridge or freezer, as well as not having ice in my drinks and making sure that things are room temperature. 

I left that appointment feeling so much more positive. I think in hindsight reading the Lance Armstrong book has highlighted some of the fears I had and still have about cancer and chemo, but it also prepared me for the fact that things could be a lot worse.

So my next steps....Waiting for

1. Gynae appointment
2. Once sorted call to book the line insertion (which is a 2 week wait)
3. Arrange Flu jab and dental checkup (I think this is in the diary)
4. Have chemo

And then I shall come back and blog, although I think I will probably blog before chemo starts because you are all travelling this journey with me whether you like it or not!!!!!

Chemotherapy - a lesson in timings

So, we turned up a the hospital prepared for a wait this time. The appointment was at 2pm and we were seen fairly promptly.


It started with me being weighed and measured. I know a women shouldn't talk about her weight, but I have always been slightly overweight, although with my height I have never looked it. The last time I weighed myself was on the Wii Fit, so not neccessarily as accurate but I was between 95 and 100kg. Yesterday I weighed 85kg, coupled with my height I am now officially (according to the BMI charts) 'Healthy'


When we went in to see the oncologist he made some small talk about how I was feeling, how I was recovering and did I have any other health problems. At this point we did have too mention the low blood pressure and whether it was since the operation or not. Too be honest I don't really know. I went too the GP about it the Wednesday before all this started. It had been going on for about 6 weeks before that and coupled with the anaemia, who really knows what was going on!!!!


Then we talked some more about the tumour. The oncologist categorise them as 'A', 'B' or 'C'. 'A' tumours are very localised and don't benefit from Chemo, 'C' tumours have spread and definitely require further treatment & 'B' tumours, which is were I fall in, are difficult to treat. 


It depends on the features of the tumour. Because my tumour had spread through the bowel wall (T4) chemo would be recommended. Chemo however is not a wonder treatment. It is only going to give me a 5% EXTRA chance of not getting cancer again based on someone who had the same type of cancer and didn't have chemo.


So onto the chemo itself, which is not going to start for a while yet.


I am going to have a combination of an intravenous drug called Oaliplatin, which will be administered once every three weeks at St Lukes Cancer Centre in Guildford and a 14 day course of Capecitabine tablets with a one week 'rest period' before the whole thing starts again. I will have 8 courses of this which is going to take 6 months.


However before all this can start I am going to have 'ovarian preservation'


I know I am very lucky that I have 2 beautiful children and should not expect more. But what woman could say that she would not be devastated at the thought that she might not be able to have any more children & that the choice was taken away from her through no fault of her own. So, yes, I am doing everything I can to allow me the opportunity to have more children in the future. If you think that that makes me selfish, then that is your choice, but unless you have been in my situation you cannot make any judgements.


So thats it, 8 lots of a 3 week chemo cycle, which will last the best part of 6 months, will leave me feeling rubbish and wanting and needing support from everyone