About this Blog

This blog started as an online diary and place for me to rant about annoyances in my family.

However since July it has become a place for me to catalogue and express my views and opinions on the treatment I have recieved following the diagnosis of a potentially cancerous tumor in my bowel.

On 3rd August 2011 I was told that it was cancerous. In April 2012 I was given the all clear.

October 15th 2013 I was diagnosed with peritoneal disease and liver metastases. The cancer was back and this time it is inoperable.

It is a little bit out of date as the NHS doesn't tend to have a WiFi connection in hospital and I can only post when I get home and posts take a while to write.

It is NOT about individuals or the nursing profession. It is about some of the inadequacies in the system and the way the NHS is failing some people.

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Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Chemotherapy round 3

This morning was hard.

After a night of not much sleep due to teething and screaming from our beautiful Hope. I faced the rush of organising everything in 30 minutes less time than normal and have the added stress of arranging everything me and a 7 month old would need for at least 12 hours away from home.

What I hadn't factored into my preparation time was just how hard my last chemotherapy session had hit the children. I had Imogen in tears, because she was so worried about me going. 'Do you have to go mummy?' 'Will you come home this time mummy?' 'I'm scared for you mummy'

As my heart broke for the millionth time I again marvelled again at how articulate she was and how together she was. While at the same time remembering she is only 3.

Isaac showed his fear in a different way. He became very quiet and withdrawn and snuggled into grandma. He did come for a cuddle, bit whispered to me that he was scared too.

So, I found my little butterfly notebook someone gave me last time I was having chemo, which I keep in my handbag for short shopping lists (having chemo gives you terrible baby brain) and ┼Árote them both a special little message that mummy loves them lots and will see them when she gets back. They both tucked them into their pockets and went off happier.

And so now I am sitting in the coffee shop, waiting for my name to be called to see my oncologist, discuss the side effects I am experiencing and the emergency admission to hospital. After that we will begin the long wait before going to the chemo suite for round three.

And then we are half way through!!